Dear Me,

Dear the girl I left in California,

You embodied the word confidence and cloaked yourself in certainty. Every stride was strong, steady, sturdy.Whenever you’d articulate it was bold, brave, brilliant. Any ounce of doubt you’d have would be diluted in self certainty and pride. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know where you went. Perhaps TSA demagnetized that cloak when you passed through security checks back at SMO. Maybe that stride became recalibrated to a rhythm only known in the South. Whatever happened, whoever is to blame, I know for sure that you are not with me as I walk through the clay of North Carolina. The pep in your step became slow, each step as heavy as the humid air frizzing up your hair. Your catwalk on concrete transitioned to a saunter on solemn red brick. I became uneasy with your absence. A bit lost, but ultimately betrayed. Who am I, when the girl I was is no longer there? I questioned how to find you, where to look, what resources to seek out. Until I realized that the girl I left in California is not who is to be here. The girl I left in Sacramento would of been a tourist in Davidson, an outsider. The girl I left in California could never be the woman I am becoming here.  

Dear the Woman I hope to be,

I wonder where you are rooted or if you are even rooted? If you are, are you rooted in a person, a thing, a higher power? Do you take daily walks to clear your head? Do you still talk to the moon? Are you proud? I hope to make you proud. Are you okay? Does the trauma still linger, do you still panic after little triggers? I am building your foundation, but I must say I have made many mistakes. I am living, I am learning. I hope the lessons are still engrained in your womanhood. Are you going to be a mother? I fear about that sometimes after the way you handled the baby simulator in high school. But the way you handle and attend to your plants and succulents, maybe you can provide. Did you find love? Is it your mysterious Prince that you’ve been too shy to make a move on? I am confident that you will be successful, however will that make you happy? You have never been one moved by the glitz and glamour, but does maturity make you more materialistic and vain? If your life is different than the path I have now, I am excited to find out what sparked your interests. I hope your passions create a mosaic of interests and paint our life in vivid colors.